Hey, Reader!

You may or may have not noticed, but it has been a few months since I last emailed. I have no good excuse, just that perfectionism got in my way.

I think up stuff that I want to share or could share and then immediately judge it for not being right, or the right time, or enough, or useful or, or, or…! Then instead of sending a short and helpful email to you that says, “Hey. I’m thinking of you and here is a little nugget to chew on this month.” Three months go by.

Perfectionism is our brain’s way of trying to keep us safe in a very unhelpful way

Contrary to what most people believe, perfectionism is not about being perfect and always having everything flawless, but more about the high expectations we have for ourselves in too many areas that are simply unachievable because we a human beings. Perhaps we set ourselves up for failure in advance so we don’t have to be disappointed later. We can stay safe and small and stuck rather than risk and fail.

If you’ve been following my work and the science around neuroplastic symptoms, then you know the symptom is like an alarm signal from your brain to alert you that you are in danger. And the danger that the brain perceives might be a real immediate threat to your life, but more often than not, it is a misinterpreted threat that may at one time had some evolutional clout but doesn’t anymore. These can be things like the threat of rejection, not being, doing, or having enough, not being in control, and more. While some of these things can eventually maybe be life threatening, our brain often responds to them the same way it would as if we were immediately under attack from a predator.

This is how the act of sending a simple email turned from a routine and easy task with little consequence into a battle for my very life in my brain. I may be exaggerating a bit here, but this extra hyper vigilance and nervous system activation kept me stuck in freeze instead of in a responsive, easeful state. This not only feels yucky, but it primes me to also begin to set those danger alarms of my symptoms to a more sensitive level, like a car alarm that goes off when a garbage truck passes by rather than when someone is actively trying to break in to the car

So, what did I do?

I am aware that this has been happening the past couple months in relation to this email. So this morning I had a little talk with my brain. These are the steps I took.

1. I took a little time out and said to my brain, “I see this pattern happening. Can you tell me more about what you’re so scared of?”
2. My brain responded, “I have too many thoughts. I don’t know the right one. I don’t have anything earth shattering to share right now. I am not sure if people even read these emails. If I don’t have a ‘call to action’ with a new offering, what’s the point? I think people won’t like what I have to share. I think people will see me as a fraud and cancel me. I think I have no business being in the business of helping others if I can’t send this one stupid email. I am worried I will be shamed, rejected, called out, ignored.”
3. Then I sat with all of that for a bit and said, “Wow. That’s a lot. You are afraid of so many things. What can I do to help you?”
4. My brain responded that it just want’s reassurance that I’ll be okay.
5. From my more empathetic and logical part of my brain, I reassured myself that even if all that I am fearing comes to pass, I will still be okay. i promised it won’t be as bad as I fear. I reassured myself that I don’t have to be perfect or know it all. I let myself know it can be a short email and that I won’t spend more than an hour on it.
6. I began to feel the fear lose it’s intensity in my body. Though some of it is still here.
7. As I write this now, I am giving myself encouragement. Saying it’s good enough. It’s a worthy message.
8. And after I press send. I will give myself congratulations for doing that hard scary thing, and proof that I did indeed live through it.

My battle with perfectionism is life long, and by meeting my fears more readily and compassionately, maybe I can prevent full on freeze state and chronic symptoms from coming into protect me even further from the things I fear.

Maybe the steps above can help you too.

Let me know if they do!

With love,

Katie

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