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Learning to be with uncertainty

Hey Reader!

After coaching folks with chronic pain and other stress-induced symptoms for the last two years, one commonality I find is a difficulty with uncertainty or the unknown.

And it makes sense!

Our brains are prediction machines. They like to know what to expect and be ready with the right response. This prediction and safeguarding mechanism can go into overdrive when we are experiencing uncomfortable symptoms. Our brains become hypervigilant and threats exist all around us at all times. We think if we can just figure out what is causing the problem, what to do next, and do that thing just right, we can be all better.

That’s how it’s supposed to work, right?

And when we don’t feel better, we double down, try harder, try something different, look to the next expert, etc.

But this pattern of seeking clarity, certainty, absolutes, and overnight relief acts as fuel to the fear>symptom cycle. And so it is only by being better able to respond to uncertainty that we can begin to cut off the oxygen that is stoking the fire of chronic symptoms.

But how do we do it when many of us have been stick in the habit for so long.

Well, it’s a practice. And as with all practices we need to be patient with ourselves. And as with all practices, we CAN get better over time.

Remember: Your mind is a work in progress.

Here are some steps to the practice of being with uncertainty.

  1. Patience and self-compassion: Recognize the difficulty of not knowing and be gentle with yourself. Speak to yourself the way you might speak to a loved one who is worried.
  2. Remind yourself of all the ways you have survived the unknown in the past. You somehow figured it out each time.
  3. Remind yourself that life is full of unknowns and the way you think things will go (for good or bad) is never quite the way things will turn out. And practice acceptance that you can’t always know for sure. No one can!
  4. Think about what in the moment would be enjoyable to spend your energy on instead.
  5. Remind yourself that everyone feels this way from time to time and that you are not alone in this. Tap into supportive people (animals, deities, etc.) to help you gain comfort and perspective.
  6. Notice what comes up in your body when you feel uncertain and observe it with curiosity. Even though it is uncomfortable, the sensation itself cannot hut you. You may notice that it shifts when you start to observe it to evade your gaze, or that it increases to a high level and then subsides. Any way it behaves, try to maintain a curious, nonjudgmental, loving focus. (And be kind to yourself when this is hard.)
  7. Recognize that the only certainty we have exists in this moment and do what you can to be here now to enjoy it. (Getting into my body and out of my brain usually helps me with this, as does tapping into my five senses.)
  8. Limit exposure to extraneous things outside of your control that make you feel, nervous, sad, angry, helpless. And try to control what is within your own nexus. Trust that this will affect your positive input into the world.

Note to your certainty brain: This is not a definitive list! There are things that are not on this list. You don’t have to follow this order and you probably don’t have to do them all at the same time.

These skills not only help us with chronic symptoms. They help us with LIFE!

They help us find peace and ease, enjoy the day to day, connect better with others, be flexible and resilient when difficult things happen, prevent stress-induced symptoms, lower risk factors for disease, engage in behaviors that are beneficial to our health and wellbeing, and be in flow with life.

Sounds like a worthwhile practice!

With love,

Coach Katie

Hit me up if you want more resources on this topic!

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Benefits of Coaching

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Sounds pretty dang good, huh?

Coaching is individualized. I work with: people in pain to help them implement the tools to settle their nervous systems, people who are looking to make a major life transition, people looking to eat better and exercise more, people wanting better boundaries with others, and more!

Coaching is a partnership. You are committed to showing up for yourself and working toward change and I am committed to helping you see your strengths, set your strategies, celebrate your successes, learn from your failures, and grow into the best version of yourself you can be.

Ready to learn more? I encourage you to schedule a no-commitment, free initial session with me to understand more about how this approach can help you, see if we’re a good fit, and walk away with a tangible next step toward something you’re currently working on.

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